CSIR comes up with antidote for Sharapova Syndrome    

Jul 9th, 2014 | By | Category: South Asia

syndromeA leading Indian research institute has come up with an antidote for the malicious Sharapova Syndrome that has affected millions of people across the country.

The Council of Scientific and Industrial Research (CSIR) says it has developed an effective cure for the syndrome that is apparently caused by a Russian tennis bug and leaves its victims gasping for breath with screams of ‘Who’s Sharapova’.

“The victims spend a lot of time online and offline chanting ‘Who’s Sharapova, who’s Sharapova’, and have reported symptoms of PSTD (Post Stress Traumatic Disorder),” said Dr Ashima Wadhawan, Associate Professor at the department of Nuero-Psychology AIIMS.

“The patients have repeated nightmares of Sharapova saying ‘Who’s Sachin’, leading to excessive sweating, chanting, high blood pressure and increased pulse rate,” Dr Wadhawan said.

Researchers at the CSIR said the bug affects the ulterior egotistic chamber of the brain in hypersensitive Indians, and in serious cases, takes total control of the chamber that directs the behavioural response mechanism in a person.

CSIR has published a special mini-journal exclusively devoted to the therapy and antidote for Sharapova Syndrome.

According to the journal the main antidote consists of a doctored video of Maria Sharapova in which the Russian tennis star is seen hugging Sachin and saying sorry to him and his fans.

In the video Sharapova also tells a friend that she always knew Sachin, but was afraid to say so in public because she had a secret fancy for him.

The paper said that when patients with Sharapova Syndrome were shown this video 12 times in three hours, the vitals like Blood Pressure and Pulse Rate showed marked improvement.

After further counseling and repeated exposure to the antidote video strategically over 36 hours the patients reported almost 95 percent improvement in behavioural responses.

“Given the magnitude of problem in the country, the antidote should be freely telecast from major television channels,” Dr P S Ahuja, Director General, CSIR told Dapaan.

Prime Minister Narendra Modi congratulated CSIR for coming up with an antidote for an epidemic syndrome at such a short notice.

 


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