India launches vaccination drive to combat anti-nationalism

Feb 20th, 2016 | By | Category: Picks, South Asia

78791186New Delhi: Indian Health Ministry is launching a nation-wide vaccination drive to combat growing anti-nationalism in the country.

The drive comes after a breakthrough by Indian scientists led by Baba Ramdev, who developed the ‘Rashtravadi’ vaccine from special antigens found in gomutra or cow urine.

The vaccine manufactured by Ramdev’s Patanjali Ayurved under the much hyped flagship programme Make in India would help the Bhartiya Janta Party (BJP) led government to thrust doses of Indian nationalism down the throats of each and every citizen of the country.

“Today is an important day in the history of India as with the help of our greatest scientist, Baba Ramdevji, we are proud to have this vaccine that will rid India of the anti-nationalism virus,” the union health minister J P Nadda said while addressing a press conference in New Delhi. “Finally we have achieved a feat that our rivals could have only thought of in their dreams.”

Ramdev's  Patanjali is marketing the vaccine

Ramdev’s Patanjali is marketing the vaccine

Nadda was flanked by Home minister Rajnath Singh, Human Resource minister Smriti Irani, Baba Ramdev and top officials from the health ministry.

Giving details about the Rashtavadi Vaccination Mission, Nadda said that the entire population irrespective of age would be covered under this programme.

However, senior citizens showing signs of serious infection like Ram Jehthmalani, Prashant Bhushan, Kriti Azad, Shatrughan Sinha and others will be given double doses, Nadda said.

The health ministry has also sought the help of Ministry for Women & Child Development headed by Maneka Sanjay Gandhi to ensure successful en-force-ment of the programme.

“Once a person is vaccinated, he will develop immunity to anti-nationalism virus,” Jagdish Prasad, Director General of Health Services in New Delhi told Dapaan. “Apart from hospitals and health centres, our teams will set up makeshift booths to ensure that all citizens are properly administered the vaccine of nationalism.”

In national capital, the Prime Minister Narendra Modi will inaugurate the programme on March 1 at the Jawaharlal Nehru University campus, that recently saw a spurt in anti-nationalism.

Talking about the vaccine, Ramdev said it was his biggest achievement after his yoga cure for homosexuality.

DRDO will develop special vaccine shots to be fired at people

DRDO will develop special vaccine shots to be fired at people

“Now there is no need for India to depend on World Health Organisation (WHO) certification of vaccines; we tested this vaccine on rats and they stopped rebellious squeaking and spent the rest of their lives in yoga poses, like Bhim Sain Bassi,” Ramdev said.

While Ramdev will be actively promoting the vaccination drive, the government has also roped in Arnab Goswami and Anupam Kher as brand ambassadors.

Nadda said that people refusing to get vaccination doses will first be booked under sedition, and then forcibly administered doses by lawyers at Patiala House.

Expecting large scale resistance to Rashtravadi vaccinations in Kashmir, Nadda said, DRDO will develop special vaccine shots that would be fired at people by police and paramilitary CRPF.

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2 Comments to “India launches vaccination drive to combat anti-nationalism”

  1. Dr.Zaidi says:

    Great satire,