Putin to send lions to defend ‘Russian poplars’ facing axe in Kashmir

Apr 13th, 2020 | By | Category: New

Srinagar: Russian President Vladimir Putin has decided to dispatch his famed lions to defend the Russian poplars facing an onslaught in Kashmir.

Russian news agency Tass Ptass said the President was ‘distraught’ by news of Russian female poplars being ‘demonised’ and ‘brutalised’ in Kashmir, after which he decided to put the lions into service.

The lions were last sighted roaming streets in Russia to enforce a lockdown.

“This is brutal. This is cruel. How could you do this to something Russian,” Putin remarked, in his address to his council of ministers. “That too to speechless, innocent, female poplars.”

Putin did not give details about how the lions would be sent to Kashmir, but intelligence and military sources suggest they may be silently airdropped in the Kashmir valley in the dead of night, or even sneaked in through a secret land route or tunnel in Kalaroos.

“Did you think that Russia is weak, that Putin will back off in the name of COVID-19. No, you are mistaken,” Putin said in a video statement.

The lions have been swiftly trained to scare away poplar cutters.

Meanwhile, an association of Russia-trained-doctors in Kashmir has called upon the local government to defuse the tensions arising out of the poplar axing orders.

The association head, a doctor turned bureaucrat turned sacked official, Dr Safwat Khan said the government order was mistakenly linking the poplars with coronavirus as well as will Russia.

“It is a ploy to demonise things associated with Russia. First, they came for Russian communists in Kashmir, now Russian poplars, and who knows tomorrow, may be it is the Russian doctors,” Khan told Dapaan. “But before this issue triggers a diplomatic spar between India and Russia, the government should put the axing on hold.”     

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